Another one bites the dust,,,could this marriage be saved?

So, it's happened again. We have some friends who have been together for decades...I mean they have made some history together over the years and are well known and liked in the community. As relationships often do, this one seemed to begin to grow cold.

Soon there was no intimacy, both sexual and relation ship types of intimacy. A coldness began creeping in and so another lady friend suggested to the spouse that may Roger (we will call him that) might be into pornography.

" NO WAY!" Said our spouse Tory, "porn has never been in our house." But her friend persisted and one early morning while Roger was out deer hunting she took a look at his laptop. She typed in Ctrl H and the history popped up. Pages and pages of porn sites. Hundreds of them. Chat rooms, web cams. Everything. Tory was stunned and deeply wounded.

Later that day, after Roger came home Tory confronted him at which time he came clean. He said he didn't know how he even got started with it but it was so easy to access and it was free that he just found himself sinking into it. Roger begged her forgiveness, promising that he would quit going to porn sites...but he didn't.

Two weeks later a check of his history showed that he was back at it. More apologies, more forgiveness, more promised...followed by more porn. Over a period of six months the cycle repeated itself, promises and lies, lies and more lies.

Finally Tory had had enough and made the ultimatum. Either they got counseling or he was going to have to get out...so he left.

The addictive power of porn was so outrageously string that Roger chose his porn over his wife and twenty years of history. He refused to talk to a counselor or anything. He just got out.

Porn use is destroying relationships at a staggering rate. Families are being broken up by what people describe as harmless.

Since 1998 after nearly falling into this same trap I began to hunt for solutions for porn use by adults. I came up with a combination of a filtering technology and accountability reporting called Wisechoice.net. Rather than a solution designed for guarding children, Wisechoice is designed to protect husbands and marriages from porn. The addictive properties are such that putting a wall around ones self is often the only way short of getting rid of the computer entirely and it is effective. I would suggest checking our solution out or one of the other filters available.

Thanks for reading this and if you have questions then email me at ned@wisechoice.net and we can talk it over.

The Desperation Hours

Midnight and 4:30 am...surfing

Every day I spend some time checking my tracking program to see how many folks are visiting Wisechoice and how they find us...don't worry I can't tell who is coming to the site but rather more general information like the country of origin, what time they arrive and the fascinating thing...what search term did they use.I have found that it is in the early morning hours that the visitors are not searching for protection but rather they are searching for porn but happen to see our site and then stop in...

For example, last night visitors between the hours of midnight and 4:30am were almost all searching for porn. The search terms includes sex, animal porn, bondage, incest pictures, and terms that I will not print on this or any page. It seems that these folks that end up at Wisechoice realize at some level that they are in trouble or doing something wrong.

I remember those early morning hours when I discovered that I had spent four hours surfing the net and now had nothing for my family, exhausted but had to go to work-yet was being sucked deeper and deeper into this pit. These are the desperation hours.  Here is the good news....

If you realize that you are powerless, then you can accept that you need help form a higher power (God) and that you need a framework. Filtering will place a wall between you and those places. An alcoholic is still addicted but if he cannot get to any alcohol then he is safe. Filtering will keep you out of the pornography that owns you.

About the Author: Since 1998 after nearly falling into this same trap I began to hunt for solutions for porn use by adults. I came up with a combination of a filtering technology and accountability reporting called Wisechoice.net. Rather than a solution designed for guarding children, Wisechoice is designed to protect husbands and marriages from porn. The addictive properties are such that putting a wall around ones self is often the only way short of getting rid of the computer entirely and it is effective. I would suggest checking our solution out or one of the other filters available.

Don' t filters block good stuff too?

" I heard that you can't search for information on breast cancer or recipes for a chicken breast because the filter will block the word "breast"

I have been in the filtering business since 1998 and back in the day this was true. The filters could only pick out key words and that blocked all kinds of good along with the bad....But like everything else of a techincal nature things have completely and totally changed.

Good quality modern filters work differently. They maintain logs of millions-no hundreds of millions of sites. These sites want to be found so their content is readily identifiable so the filtering companies categorize the sites. For example, porn sites have porn meta tags, YouTube has an adult section and a safe section-that's easy to identify. Some sites are for shopping..so we categorize them for shopping, then again a shopping site might sell clothes, dildos and porn. So this one gets two categorizations-shopping and porn. Lingerie for example turns some people on to a point that they get screwy but most people have no problem-so we have it categorized as lingerie. This goes on and on for 35 separate categories.

When you set up your filter you decide what you might want to block...so let's say you are an alocoholic with a porn problem and gamble...you would then pick out gambling, alcohol and porn to block. If you have a shopping problem then you can block shopping, or sports, or news.....on and on.

Once you have decided what you are wanting to block then when you Google something and click on the site, the filter will quickly check in against our enormous categorized data base and either say yes or no depending on your preferences. If it says no then you cannot get to the site and if you try to uinstall the filter then it will throw you off the net until it is re-installed. By the way you can get all the chicken breast recipes you want....it isn't about the keywords anymore.

So finally, let's say that you have the no override filter and your wife is the registered user to keep you honest. So, you decide you don't want this darn filter anymore. Simply call our office and talk to the nice lady and tell her you want your porn back. She will ask you if you are Mrs Sallie Sue Mosrite...you will reply that you are Mr. Bubba James Mosrite. The nice lady will say: "have you wife call us and we will make the changes happily"....have a nice day.

It works great. Fast Accurate, inexpensive and gives freedom.