Another one bites the dust,,,could this marriage be saved?

So, it's happened again. We have some friends who have been together for decades...I mean they have made some history together over the years and are well known and liked in the community. As relationships often do, this one seemed to begin to grow cold.

Soon there was no intimacy, both sexual and relation ship types of intimacy. A coldness began creeping in and so another lady friend suggested to the spouse that may Roger (we will call him that) might be into pornography.

" NO WAY!" Said our spouse Tory, "porn has never been in our house." But her friend persisted and one early morning while Roger was out deer hunting she took a look at his laptop. She typed in Ctrl H and the history popped up. Pages and pages of porn sites. Hundreds of them. Chat rooms, web cams. Everything. Tory was stunned and deeply wounded.

Later that day, after Roger came home Tory confronted him at which time he came clean. He said he didn't know how he even got started with it but it was so easy to access and it was free that he just found himself sinking into it. Roger begged her forgiveness, promising that he would quit going to porn sites...but he didn't.

Two weeks later a check of his history showed that he was back at it. More apologies, more forgiveness, more promised...followed by more porn. Over a period of six months the cycle repeated itself, promises and lies, lies and more lies.

Finally Tory had had enough and made the ultimatum. Either they got counseling or he was going to have to get out...so he left.

The addictive power of porn was so outrageously string that Roger chose his porn over his wife and twenty years of history. He refused to talk to a counselor or anything. He just got out.

Porn use is destroying relationships at a staggering rate. Families are being broken up by what people describe as harmless.

Since 1998 after nearly falling into this same trap I began to hunt for solutions for porn use by adults. I came up with a combination of a filtering technology and accountability reporting called Wisechoice.net. Rather than a solution designed for guarding children, Wisechoice is designed to protect husbands and marriages from porn. The addictive properties are such that putting a wall around ones self is often the only way short of getting rid of the computer entirely and it is effective. I would suggest checking our solution out or one of the other filters available.

Thanks for reading this and if you have questions then email me at ned@wisechoice.net and we can talk it over.

Rape her for her attitude

Earlier this month columnist  Naomi Wolfe of New York Magazine wrote an artice entiltled

The Porn Myth

In the end, porn doesn't whet men's appetites—it turns them off the real thing.

Ms. Wolf continue to outline some of the effects of internet porn on men and their desires toward women. The fact that internet porn is wildly addicting is well known. Studies indicate that the same areas of the brain aere stimulated by porn as by crack cocaine and that the addiction can be almost immediate.

 

Another assertion is that internet porn has developed behaviors in men that are completely deviant in their nature. The general availability of porn as caused men to bring sexual practices home to the wives that are insane. The use of bottles, machines, animals, sado masochistic behaviors such as whipping and bondage. The worst of these is the crazed idea that virtual rape is somehow OK.

 

What is not debatable is that the level of sexual crime includng pedopelia, abduction of teenagers and children through chatroom liasons has skyrocketed. The incidence of rape has also exploded largely, in my opinion, due to the easy availability of violent sex content on porn sites.

 

I was reading the comments following Ms. Wolfe's article and noticed one by a person identified only as BRS. His coments is as follows:

 

" I can't wait to find you, rape you in the ass and then make you taste your own shit. You are going to love it, you little whore."

 

That this cowardly pervert posted this in a public arena is mind boggling in itself, but the rage that is shown to the author and her article is insane. I would hope that law enforcement is already tracking this man down.

 

Internet porn has a way of triggering hidden flaws in our psyches that we never knew were there. The program "to Catch a Predator" invariably showed the the perpretrators as saying that they didn't know what came over them. Even as the child of an alcoholic has the predisposition to alcoholism he will never be an alcoholic if he never drinks. Once he takes a drink then the trigger is pulled and he may descend into alcohol addiction.

 

The same with sexual disorders, a man may never know he has a hidden sexual appetite for children until he stumbles onto a child porn site, the same for violent sex. Even those who were heterosexual found that they had storng homosexual impulses only after they first saw graphic homosexual porn.

 

The European Union is in a furor today about the unlikely possibility that online porn will be outlawed. The detractors of this idea are screaming freedom of speech yet the reality is that they are afraid to lose the fuel for their addictions. We should do all of our nations a favor and outlaw pornography for the madness that it is.

eleven year old raped...received porn emails from accused rapist

Nine out of 10 children aged between eight and 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet. In most cases, the sex sites were accessed unintentionally when a child, often in the process of doing homework, used a seemingly innocent sounding word to search for information or pictures. (London School of Economics

In the case of the eleven year old girl it appears that the alleged rapist was a friend of the family, trusted by the child  and that he had been sending her porn on emails, showing her child porn on his computer and finally molesting her on hikes and other places..

What are we doing to protect our kids from this kind of thing. Do we as parents know who our kids are interacting with  on email, Facebook and chat rooms? Did you know that filtering programs like Wisechoice have features that will allow you to view online conversations of kids? Is this an invasion of their privacy? Absolutely! Are we giving privacy rights for eleven year old to interact with predators? If we are then we are misguided.

It is our job as parents to protect our kids whether they think they need it or not. I don't know of any kid worth his or her salt who doesn't think they are grown up enough to make their own decisions.

Tools such as Wisechoice can allow you to have password protected times in which kids can use the computer but make the computer out of bounds at other times. You can track their messaging and restrict the types of websites they go to. In the case of the children who have accessed porn by mistake while searching for things regarding homework-that cannot happen with a good filter. If they inadvertently click on a porn site the filter will block access.

Filters for the most part cost about $50 per years and protect as many as three computers per household. Some will work on both Macs and Windows based computers. To paraphrase a hospital advertisement- of you don't get help from Wisechoice...then get help somewhere.