One of the issues with husbands or wives, who have been using internet pornography is that when they discover that internet porn is damaging to them or their sex life or to their walk with God...or all of the above then they want to get clean and come clean. Good idea?
Years ago when I discovered that I had a problem with
internet pornography my response to this was to develop and use a pornography
filter which eventually turned into Wisechoice Internet Filtering or www.wisechoice.net. I had no intention of telling my wife or
anybody else that I had been involved with pornography. Was this the right way
to handle things?
About two years later I realized that I was going to have to
start telling my own story about my use of porn and what it had meant. I didn’t want my wife to find out about it on the
radio or online so I decided to tell her. I was sure that she was going to be
pleased about my story and how I had put a wall around myself and it had led to
a new business. Man! Was I wrong.
She was devastated! Hurt, Furious! It blew my mind; after all I was being honest
and transparent.
It was then that I began to understand the impact that porn
has on our wives. To me it was simply a filthy habit that involved artificial
people on a screen. But to her it was adultery-straight up infidelity! What was
wrong with her that she was not enough? Was she ugly? What was she failing at
that I HAD to look at other women. Forgiveness did not come quickly or easily.
In fact, to this day, twelve years later, it is a subject that we avoid. It is
a place of mistrust toward me that has never healed.
About a year ago I saw it again, I was on a trip to the West Coast and young guy came to me and told me
that he was struggling with internet porn. Worse yet, he had confessed to his
wife that he had been doing it in the belief that she would help him resist it.
Bad idea! She kicked him out of the
house and has informed him that she is filing for divorce. No discussion, no
counseling….divorce!
So, what to do? First, put a wall around you with a good
filter, then find a friend who will be your accountability partner and set up accountability
reporting so that he can watch where you are surfing,. Our reporting system will
actually text the partner if you are trying to get into blocked sites. You don’t
want your friend awakened at 3am because you are surfing for porn! Beyond that,
I don’t think it is a good idea to talk about it with your wife unless it is
already known. If she has already found out and you are still alive then you can even make her the accountability
partner. But if the subject has not come up then I suggest that you put a wall around
you to stop you from going to the porn sites and leave your wife out of it….
This is one area that complete transparency between husband
and wife can be insanely hurtful…..
www.filterreview.org
www.filterreview.org
Do you agree?
